New Year

Hello again!  Super long time no talk, I know.  I don’t believe I’ve posted anything here for over a year now.  I didn’t feel like I had a lot to say, although a whole lot has been going on in my life.  And for some reason, walking my dog Bella this morning, I decided it was time once again to share.  So … I’m back.

What am I doing these days you ask? Well, I’m living in this cozy little apartment in South Denver:

 

Loving and being loved by this energetic, goose-poop eating, ball-chasing, morning-snuggling little canine:

 

Still driving this beautiful blue Mazda (new rear windshield and lots of headlight issues not withstanding):

And sporting this fairly recent hair style, which I am loving at the moment (but I will eventually get tired of and want something new):

I am working full time at a large upscale retail department store, that’s been since late August. No I don’t love it, and I’m setting the intention in 2018 to find something I do love, since working is what I need to do for now to keep the lights on and food in my belly.  🙂

Recently, someone asked me to go through my year, quarter by quarter, and pull out highlights, struggles, things I’m proud of accomplishing, happy moments, etc. And since I’ve become a daily, voracious journaler (my computer is wanting me to know that’s not a word, but it feels like it should be so it’s staying), this wasn’t hard to do. And yet I found myself really resisting this exercise at first, I got very irritated and tried thinking of how I could blow it off without offending. But I just leaned into all of that (leaning in is totally a thing – learned about that in 2017) and what I found was this: Holy shit, 2017 was a big ole powerful year!! AND, that reading back through my journal entries was like talking to an old friend. The kind of true & real old friend, who listens to all your deep dark thoughts then pokes a little fun and all of a sudden you’re laughing and seeing the lighter side of things. And you feel loved, known, seen and understood. So yeah, that happened. And in that happening, something woke up inside me – not sure yet what it’s called, but it’s something good. And I realized it’s something I want to share, over time, here in this blog.

And for today, I just want to wish anyone reading this a Very Happy New Year. May 2018 – the year that adds up to the number 11, a powerful metaphysical number – bring all of us a sense of peace and knowing that no matter what happens … we are safe, we are loved and all is well.

Love,

Allita

 

Still Driving … Metaphorically & Literally

I haven’t posted for a few weeks because, well, I guess there’s just times when I don’t have much to say that I think is worth talking about. Sometimes I wonder why I even keep this blog, but what I eventually come back to is the belief that we all have a story to tell, a light to shine into this world.  This is one way I can do that.  And selfishly, without having any children or nieces/nephews to share who I am with, my hope is a part of me will always live on through my writings.

… Metaphorically

I was thinking the other day about how we tend to define success in our society by what we have, what we acquire, what we “do”.  And money, having it or not having it, plays a big role in that definition of success.  And I was thinking about how, out of all the things we do and acquire in this life, we don’t get to keep most of it or take it with us when we leave.  We can’t keep our possessions, our money, homes or cars, we can’t even keep our names, our blue eyes or our red hair. 🙂  It feels like so much of what we pursue will be left behind in the end, and that which we can take doesn’t get much attention.   I believe we get to take only two things with us when we leave this life – One is our spiritual maturity and the other is the love we give.  Not the love we get, that belongs to the giver.  It seems to me that the love we give is what truly opens our heart and heals us, especially when the love is given despite feelings of fear, anger, pain, resentment or rejection.  When we can feel love for, and give love to, ourselves and others whose behavior might not always be lovable, to strangers who we can see are hurting and so seek to hurt in kind or to family members who push our buttons – I think this sets us free in a way that transcends this life, and goes with us.  And I know there are things I need to do that allow me to live in this world while I’m here, but I crave the pursuit of growth and healing which goes beyond this life, as that seems to be my purpose.  Balancing these two areas is what I’m finding to be challenging and sort of frustrating lately.  Can anyone else relate?

… Literally

In addition to driving for Lyft I’m also now an Uber driver, hoping through both of them I’ll be able to stay busy and make a little money.  It has been very hit or miss lately, still not sure I have found my groove as to where and when I should drive to make the most of my time. Seems like I’m mostly driving around chasing the areas where the app says they’re really busy – getting there only to find it has now moved someplace else.  And truthfully so far I have only driven early morning shifts, nothing at night yet but I am going to try that next weekend.

I tried something else too last week, a shopping & delivery service called Instacart.  It’s a great concept and I will most likely utilize them as a customer, but the employee (contractor actually) part was boring to me.  Might be an age thing, or an ego thing, but delivering other people’s groceries isn’t what I want to do with my time.  Not that being an Uber driver is necessarily what I want to do with my whole life, but if I can find a schedule that works for me, it will allow me some time to figure out what I DO want to do with myself now.  And I have some thoughts in that area too that I am working on and meditating about – my intuitive voice, or as I say God talking to me through me, plays a big part in all of this.

So I wanted to share these thoughts as I was having them, partly because it helps me to put my vulnerable self out there and not hold it in too tightly.  But also in hopes that someone might read this and realize they’re not alone.  Hopefully I accomplished both.

And yes, this too is part of the adventure of life – just maybe not the funnest part.  🙂

 

 

 

My summer in pictures – Part I

Last year I spent the whole summer in Bianca my motorhome, thinking at the time that eventually I would leave Colorado and begin traveling the country with Bella and Blu.  It didn’t work out that way but it was a really great summer in many ways.

For one thing, I got to spend the summer out in Golden, Colorado which is where I worked (Coors Brewing Company) when I first moved here 26 years ago.  Golden is a gorgeous, quaint, historical (and much-updated over the years) town at the base of the Rocky Mountains, about 15 miles West of downtown Denver. My friends Becky and Noel each came for long walks beside the creek with us, and we found the perfect small-ish dog park so Bella could practice her ball chasing and snubbing of other dogs (she’s so good at both).

Ms Bella enjoying the flower gardens in Golden

A very full Clear Creek in Golden, CO

 

I also got to spend a couple weeks at each of two beautiful state parks, Chatfield and Cherry Creek.  At Chatfield, we went for a walk on the path around the lake and not far from the campground loop I was in, came upon a piece of Colorado history called Slocum Cabin.  I also learned to drive, park, back up and turn Bianca while I was there (these guys are awesome!).  My friend Laura & her girls came to visit me, and Bella got to spend lots of time chasing the ball at the off leash dog park there.

Chatfield Lake – campgrounds in the distance

The view from my spot at Chatfield. Not bad huh?

 

I landed at Cherry Creek after a harrowing (or so it seemed at the time) awning incident that I can chuckle about now (sort of), and was greeted by these beauties:

Deer at Cherry Creek State Park

During a drive one day up Highway 285, into the little berg of Fairplay and then down into Frisco & Breckenridge, I saw a couple of interesting sites 🙂 :

Other fun adventures and explorations over this remarkable summer included:

•  Golden Gate Canyon State Park and Panorama Point (where we sprinkled my mothers ashes 20 years ago):

Panorama Point

Panorama Point

Barker Reservoir, Nederland

• Taking a picnic to Washington Park in town and just hanging out reading, people watching and of course, ball throwing:
• A 4th of July drive up and over Trail Ridge Road from Lake Dillon to Estes Park and down through Boulder – that last part in the pouring rain & thunder:
  

  The road to Lake Dillon et al

  

  Peak elevation: 12,183′

  

  Year round snow & very little oxygen

   

• A trip to Dallas via Durango, where a big old black bear ran across the highway right in front of me, and Pagosa Springs :
  

  Road to Pagosa

  

  The view to the right

  

  Just above Pagosa
• And finally an early Fall trip up and over Guanella Pass into Georgetown as the leaves were turning:
  

  Fall on Guanella Pass

  

  Road to Georgetown

  In next weeks post, Part II, I’ll share some other adventures, photos and epiphanies from 2015 – it was really an amazing year.  I purged and pushed through fear, I explored and had brave adventures along the way.  Bella was with me through it all, the one constant in my life … something I am extremely thankful for.

The adventure continues ….

What Now?

First of all, Happy New Year everyone!  As you can see, it’s also a new blog theme, tell me what you think.  I was going to use my own photo but I really liked the mountains, they seemed to go well with the new title.

It’s been about 4 months since I posted last – I needed some time away from talking about my life to just live it for a while.  Since then I have moved into a really cute little apartment near Denver (pictures below), the motorhome is in storage and I’m trying to get it sold, and I have been getting settled.  There were so many lessons for me in the events of 2015 and having this time to reflect on what they were and how to move forward has been invaluable.  I am so grateful to have the ability to just BE for a while.

I renamed the blog from “My Big Adventure” to “Life- The Adventure” because I still have adventuring to do and things to share.  Over time I’ll be sharing on things like sobriety,  cancer survival, menopause, cooking, sugar addiction, decorating, favorite websites, essential oils, and spirituality.  Ideally this blog would become a place for dialog as well, so I hope you’ll leave comments on topics that resonate with you.  

As to what I’m doing now and what’s next, well I guess we will all have to stay tuned for that.  See you next time my friends.

The adventure continues …

 

A Few Lessons Learned Along The Way

So now that I’ve decided living and adventuring alone in an RV isn’t the right path for me at this point in my life, I thought I’d share a few of the lessons I learned during my three-month stint as a wandering (so to speak) gypsy.

1.  This is more of a remembrance than a lesson, but I’m not a camper.  As a kid we camped for two weeks every summer when my dad took his vacation time from work, and truth be told – I hated it.  I thought RV’ing in a big 34′ class A motorhome wouldn’t be like camping, but it kind of was.
2. I missed things that I thought were “not a big deal” – a bathtub to soak in, the opportunity to hang personal things on walls and easily rearrange furniture, and having space to putter around the house.
3. It seemed to me that a young-ish woman living alone in an RV was enough of an oddity to other rv’ing folks who I encountered (almost all couples and families), that I felt like an outsider.  Add to that I don’t drink alcohol, and socializing in the rv parks/campgrounds I stayed in felt pretty limited to trivial politeness.
4. For reasons possibly explained and some still a mystery, I felt very isolated and lonely during those months in my motorhome.  Now, I’m a person who truly loves being alone and I can easily become very hermit-like, and happily so.  But I have rarely in my life felt lonely, and that’s not a good place for this recovering alcoholic to be.
5. On the flip side, the process of downsizing and purging that I went through in order to move into the motorhome was so cathartic … and I think, necessary.  When I sleep in my new bed there will be no memories of old lovers, of recovering from surgery or passing out drunk.  My new couch will not hold the energy of all those painful weeks during/after chemo treatments or the despair that enveloped me as I numbed all my feelings – good & bad – with wine and vodka.  My new dining room table is not a remnant of a short and passionless marriage that still leaves me mystified.   Having all new things in my home, from lamps to dishes to rugs to window coverings and wall hangings, along with a few beloved treasures from my past, will allow me to bring new energy into my life, and make what I truly want out of it.  How many of us get that chance?  Just writing these words I feel exhilarated by that thought and extremely grateful.  
6. Most of all, I have finally come to see that my life is a journey, it’s not a destination to get “right”.  In fact there is no right or wrong, there’s only lessons, experiences, finding out a few of the things I don’t want so maybe I can get closer to what I do want.  Knowing that helps me to stop judging my past and more fully appreciate the present moment I find myself in.  It also allows me to live in a state of gratitude, and there truly is nothing better than that.

And so, the adventure continues ….

Change in Course

Morning in Galveston

Hello again my friends!  This post is going to be a little different as I’m finally willing to accept that a course change is needed right now.  I have learned so much about myself in the last few months, including that I don’t really know myself as well as I thought.

The time I’ve spent here in Texas has given me a chance to step back from my life so I can see it more clearly.  It’s also been full of self-discovery and emotional upheaval as I wrestled with some demons that I thought had been put to rest.  I am finding that all the solitude & isolation in this full-time rv lifestyle (as a single woman) is not good for me right now and truth be told, that’s ok.

Bella’s blase response to the Gulf Coast

I left Dallas yesterday and am in Galveston right now, leaving tomorrow to continue the trek back to Denver, towards home and a new apartment that I’ve rented starting early October. My motorhome Bianca will go into storage until sometime next year when I can revaluate whether that’s still a life, either full or part time, that calls to me in some way.  For now, I’m going to continue working on my program of recovery, not just from alcoholism but from a deeply-ingrained, life-long habit of prioritizing the (perceived) opinions of others above my own sense of self.

~There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths – Mark Nepo

So the adventure continues and it will look different than originally planned.  I am excited about returning to Denver and figuring out what’s next.  I have absolutely no regrets – not one.  I got to have an experience that not many people have and it’s allowed me a glimpse of a different lifestyle – one that is all about living more simply, being in the moment, loving nature, freedom and the joy of travel.  What a blessing and a gift that has been.  I thank God for the grace that has surrounded me on this journey.  I have learned so much and I continue to learn, which is what life is all about.

My casita courtyard in Taos – lovely & magical

The above paragraphs were written on Sunday and it’s now Friday, I am in Taos – a truly magical place.  It’s been an uneventful week of traveling from one place to another with lots of time in the car to think, ponder and plan.  Santa Fe on Wednesday was just beautiful, the hotel I stayed in was definitely not, but this place more than makes up for that.  Tomorrow morning I’ll leave here so I can be in Denver by noon.

This morning I feel thankful, grateful and blessed for my life and all that makes it what it is.  Time to rise & shine, go out into this beautiful, magical place and see how I can be a blessing to someone today.

I hope you’ll stay tuned for what’s next, and in the meantime go find your own passion, your own adventure.  Adventure on my friends!!

Observations

Sam Houston statue – Huntsville, TX

I just have a few observations on this Sunday evening:

1. I have a feeling I will remember this trip to Texas for the rest of my life. Friendships I already counted among my treasures have become even deeper while here, and great memories have been made.
2. I fall deeper in love with Bella every day – she has been nothing short of AMAZING throughout this whole journey.  New places, new faces, the heat, long car rides, changing scenarios … through all of it she’s been perfectly behaved, open to whatever changes each day brings and maintains an appetite that is nothing short of stupendous lol. 
3. If you have a dog that loves ball chasing, do both of you a huge favor and buy a K9 Kanon.  I paid $20 for mine at Bed Bath & Beyond, and it has saved my arm and provided Bella with endless entertainment.  Best $20 I ever spent!
4. The latest Mission Impossible movie is extremely entertaining, there’s more humor than normal and Tom Cruise is not the absolute center of this movie as he has been in the past.  Worth the price of a ticket – great summer movie.
5. I am enjoying being in a sticks & bricks, non-moving type of abode for a few weeks.  However, I miss my own space (my motorhome) and I think my constant need for car trips (Lake Livingston last week, Shreveport today and Galveston this next week) speaks to my wanderlust.   A home that moves feels better than I would have expected it to.

I have one more week in this space, and then I will begin the trip back to Colorado.  In the meantime, I plan to take an overnight side trip down to Galveston on Tuesday, so stay tuned for more on that and the plan for my drive back West next weekend.

If you feel so inclined, please share your own adventures big or small with me in the comments below – I love hearing from you!!

Let’s Adventure On!!

Road Trip!

As I sit here writing this in a rented lake house in Lake Livingston, Texas after a long 3-day drive into Dallas last week, I thought I would just share my journey as posted on Facebook. Why reinvent the wheel right?  🙂

I left the Denver area last Tuesday, after dropping my motorhome off for some updates, then Bella, Blu and I headed out for Dallas – here’s what my road trip looked like.

July 28th @ 10:55am -Bianca is in good hands so Bella and I are off for Dallas via Durango, Deming & Odessa— feeling adventurous at Camping World.

On my way to Durango, my first stop, I had a great time stopping to photograph and share some of Southern Colorado’s beauty:

Lathrop State Park, Walsenburg, Colorado

Highway 160, between Southfork and Pagosa Springs, Colorado

Wolf Creek Pass, looking towards Pagosa Springs, Colorado

Stayed the night at a hotel in Durango that was completely unmentionable so I won’t mention it lol.  But something pretty cool did happen to me that afternoon, and here’s what I had to say the next morning:

July 29th @ 9:16am – On the road again! I saw a black bear run across the road right in front of me last night, I’ve never seen one before. It’s a gorgeous day here and we’re heading for Deming, NM.  (From my dear friend Kami: Bear is all about introspection and looking forward to the path before you. The primary meaning of the bear spirit animal is strength and confidence.  Standing against adversity; taking action and leadership.  The spirit of the the bear indicates it’s time for healing or using healing abilities to help self or others.  The bear medicine emphasizes the importance of solitude, quiet time, rest.  The spirit of the bear provides strong grounding forces. Thanks Kami!!)

July 29th @1:20pm -Found this great dog park for Ms Bella on the outskirts of Albuquerque and met a really nice Golden named Zevon and his human (whose name I didn’t get lol). Dog happy & exhausted, we’re back on the road— at High Range Park.

That same day I saw this on Facebook and I thought it fit perfectly (I love it when that happens) –“The remedy for unhappiness is not geographical; it is attitudinal. If you choose to find peace where you are, you will bring it wherever you go and invite others to join you.” – Alan Cohen

July 29th @ 9:59pm – Long day of driving and Deming is having a major thunderstorm, so Bella and I are tucked up in our room and I’m taking a BATH, yayyy 🙂 — at Comfort Inn & Suites. (No bath in a motorhome and I miss it)

July 30th @ 11:52am -I like this town, it’s really pretty— at City of El Paso ,Tx. (I said this after my navigation system took me off and on the freeway several times just to find a Target store so I could stock up on a few things, and while I sat in a Starbucks drive thru 🙂 ).

July 30th @ 9:58pm  -Got into Odessa at a really decent hour, so we found a Natural Grocers in Midland and I finally had a healthy dinner. Then to a dog park so Bella could get some playtime in. I didn’t realize it at first but she was getting these truly heinous, multi-pronged little thorns all over her feet & legs. We finally left to dash home & get tweezers (tried grabbing with my bare fingers which are now all bloody). I think we got them all now but there’s been a lot of yelps issued from this room, mostly from me lol— at Quality Inn & Suites. (Footnote: This hotel was beyond creepy, scary and gross.  Bella and I both couldn’t wait to get out of there and were gone by 6:30am.  ICK)

I received this Note From The Universe on the 31st, and again I thought it was very befitting to my journey right now :

“The Evolution of a Dream”

Dream is implanted into brain.
Dreamer becomes thrilled.
Dreamer becomes terrified.
If no action is taken, terrifying thoughts grow into flesh-eating monsters. Dream is considered unrealistic.
If action is taken, Allita, terrifying thoughts are revealed to be paper tigers. Confidence soars, miracles unfold, and dreamer begins to saunter.
Either way, nothing remains the same.

Gr-r,
The Universe

August 1st @ 8:55am –Arrived safely into Dallas yesterday – holy heck it’s hot here! The Airbnb we’re in for the next 2 weeks is nice, we’ll be very comfortable here. Looking forward to some quality time with my dear, long-time friend Zelda. Some friends just feel like family the minute you see them again, no matter how long it’s been. I thank God every day for my small circle of family/friends – grateful and blessed. Happy Saturday everyone!— in Carrollton, Texas.  

So why, you ask, am I in a lake house in Lake Livingston?  Well, my friend Zelda needed to take a business trip to this area so I tagged along and we turned it into a fun side trip.  This is a beautiful area and I am SO glad I decided to, and was able to, come and join her.

Lake Livingston State Park

Livingston is just Northeast of Houston, so about a 4 hour drive from Dallas, where we are headed back to on Wednesday.  I still have about a week and a half in Dallas before starting to make my way back to Colorado.  On my way home I will most likely head South first to the Galveston area before turning Northwards again and heading up through New Mexico.  More to come as those plans fall into place.

One of the many epiphanies I’ve had on this road trip is that as long as Bella is with me, I am always at home.  Another is that friends, true friends, ones that have been round the block with me (and me with them) many times, are flat.out.priceless – as in there is no price I wouldn’t pay to be there for them, to love them and to have them in my life.  Thank you God for putting those kinds of friends in my life, I am blessed.

Adventure on my peeps!!

Fear, Lake Dillon and The Big Adventure Continues

Fear – Wow, what a paralyzer. I chose that as part of my topic because to be honest, I’ve been wracked with it lately. I allowed that fear to push me towards some choices that weren’t in my best interest. What those choices were isn’t the point, but I do want you to know, dear reader, that I feel fear. Fear of what you might ask? I don’t always know, that’s the crazy thing – sometimes I feel it but have a hard time identifying where it comes from. I mean, I am a 52 year old woman who survived colon cancer 4 years ago and is 2 ½ years sober from alcohol, I have recently sold all my belongings and my house, bought a 34’ motorhome (having never driven or been in one before) and I’m getting ready to travel the country by myself with Bella the adorable, scaredy-cat, hypertensive, bundle-of-love wonder dog.   So sure, there might be a few things in there to be fearful of lol. But here’s my truth: I will NOT allow fear to be the thing that holds me back from living a full, good, expansive life. That does not mean that I don’t feel the fear – and while it might appear as bravery or courage, I am simply choosing to acknowledge the fear and move forward anyway. Most of the time that is – this past couple of weeks I not only let fear guide me more than faith, I kept it to myself and didn’t reach out.

And it all came to a very emotional head this past weekend, when I was so blessed to be with some treasured friends (amazing, powerful women) in a stunningly beautiful location – Lake Dillon Colorado.

In the midst of all this beauty, I could no longer pretend that everything was ok. I believe now that it was Gods grace that allowed me to be in the presence of these particular loving women at that point when I needed them most. And to say that I am grateful is just throwing words at something for which there really aren’t any, but I am so very thankful for the love, laughter and honesty we shared. The darkness I felt last week and going into the weekend has moved further back, and I believe I know what I need to do to banish it altogether. Maintenance of my spirituality/relationship with my Higher Power, staying grounded in the present moment, more physical movement and a less sugary diet (sugar, wow – a whole separate topic) are at the top of that list.

On Tuesday morning I will finally be leaving Dakota Ridge RV Park, where I have been for the last month, to drop off Bianca for some service work while I travel to Dallas in my car (Blu) with Bella. Driving to Dallas I plan to take the same route through Southern Colorado that I will take with Bianca in September (more on that in a later post). I’ve made hotel reservations in Durango, then Deming New Mexico and finally Odessa Texas before arriving in Dallas on the 31^st. I’m really excited, and yet I know that the key for me in staying out of fear is to stay present, be in this moment and not let my focus wander too far out into the future.

More next time on why I’m going to Dallas and what I plan to do there – wow just realized that my next post will be FROM Dallas. Will have lots of pictures to share from my journey out there, places I have never been to before. Now I better go finish packing!

Feel the fear and Adventure on my friends!!

My (sort of) Plan For The Next Month (sort of)

And that is as specific as things have been since I started on this RV Adventure about 2 months ago.  I keep wanting to plan things out for months ahead, but life just won’t let me do that, so I am learning to loosen the reigns a bit (I think I am).

Having decided that Bella, Blu, Bianca and I will be going on this Adventure together, Bianca will actually go in the shop for repairs/upgrades later this month while I travel to Dallas in Blu and stay with Airbnb.  When I return from Texas and pick up Bianca,  I’m going back to Chatfield State Park until the Monday of Labor Day weekend.  What happens after that is a new development that I am so excited about – but first a little background, because this is such a cool story.

A week or so ago, I had dinner with three other amazing rv’ing women (Beverley, Jo & Sethi, left to right), each living this life in their own individual style.  We laughed and had a great conversation, I learned so much and felt a sense of kinship at a time when I really needed to not feel alone.  One thing we talked about was whether we needed/wanted a purpose to our travel or just for the fun of it.  I mentioned that at some point it would be cool to travel to/volunteer for Habitat For Humanity.

I had been feeling so drawn to head West, to the coast of Oregon and eventually spend the winter in So California, where I’m from.  But here’s what happened inside me every time I looked at maps and tried to formulate an actual route in that direction: I got a little twisted up inside, could never decide where I wanted to go/be, I’d get frustrated and eventually just give up without any kind of plan.  This happened over and over.  So yesterday I once again asked myself what if I could let go and be open to life’s possibilities instead of trying to make things happen.  And here’s what immediately took place:  I got a notice that I’d been added to another RV’ing Facebook page (that I didn’t know existed) and the first post I see is about Habitat for Humanity’s RV Care-A-Vanners – a unique volunteer opportunity for full-time RV people to travel to builds happening every month all over the country.  Each job is two weeks long and they coordinate parking arrangements for the RV volunteers.  Tears formed in my eyes as I saw this God moment for just what it was – destiny calling.

So I signed up for a build down in Southeast Colorado when I leave Chatfield in September.  This one is actually going to be finish work like painting and trim – perfect for my first one!   It’s near Durango, which is a gorgeous part of the state.  I also signed up for one at the end of November in Louisiana, so I’ll be having a Southern Thanksgiving for a change of pace.  🙂   I am so excited about this – traveling in my home-on-wheels to help build someone else a home, a place to call their own.  What could be more right than that??   I’m thanking God for this cool opportunity and blessing.

In the meantime, I am making some updates in my coach – this is now my home and I get to do what I want/need so it feels like home.  Replaced the kitchen faucet, got rid of the dressing stool in the bedroom and put in a clothes hamper (hard to believe something so little can bring SUCH contentment lol) and some more storage. I’m taking the rocker/recliner that I never sit in to Goodwill tonight, and putting a little end table for my printer in it’s place.

And this past weekend I locked up my motorhome, packed a little overnight bag and we took off for Glenwood Springs and Aspen.  It was a gorgeous weekend and I got the very last hotel room in Glenwood that night and took myself out to a nice dinner.  The next morning, after sleeping in and enjoying a very nice breakfast, we took off for Basalt, Aspen and a very very very very narrow Hwy 82 on the way to Independence Pass (elevation 12,096 feet)- holy cow, that was nerve wracking.

Enjoy the pics, thanks for listening.  Adventure on!

Basalt Library

Painting on a bridge underpass in Glenwood – Cool huh?

Seriously – Colorado has 18 kinds of bats????

Clinton Gulch Dam, near Copper Mountain – gorgeous!

Fear, Mountains and Chocolate Covered Mangos

Monday morning, sitting here all comfy in my motorhome listening to and watching the rain outside.  Many people are going back to their jobs today, and once upon a time that’s what I would be doing too.  I am extremely glad that is no longer part of my life, I was just not good at that particular game.  So, feeling a lot of thankfulness for just that.

Rocky Mountain National Park

Saturday was July 4th, it was a gorgeous albeit very hot day here in the Denver metro area, so I decided to load up my car and my dog and head to the mountains.  Sometimes holidays feel very lonely to me – everyone is with their significant others, families, kids and all the generations are hanging out together.  Then there’s me, just me, and Bella of course.   This holiday however I truly wasn’t feeling that creep in – I just wanted to get out of the heat.

Top of Trail Ridge Road

We drove up Interstate 70 West, took the Empire exit and went up through Winter Park to Granby and Grand Lake, over Trail Ridge Road through Rocky Mountain National Park and down into Estes Park.  It.was.gorgeous.  Breathtaking.  Life-affirming.  Inspiring.  Energizing.   Check out the pictures below, just a few of the ones I took, with my phone no less.  🙂  And here was something really cool and different – I could feel my past and my unknown future kind of meshing together for once.  I was feeling memories of my past accompanying me – memories of this drive with my mom, of camping as a kid with my whole family, of growing up in Quail Valley (California), of high school and my early 20’s and 30’s – but for once I didn’t feel like I was drowning in those memories.  They were just there, but also there was a sense of excitement, adventure and the unknown that is my future.  Not sure if you can relate to what I’m saying, but for me, that was significant.

Beautiful snow-melt waterfall

So about fear – A little over a month ago when I was first in my motorhome trying to imagine myself living in and driving this rig, I could feel myself pushing back and resisting.  Maybe even panicking.  Why?  I don’t completely know, but I sure didn’t want to think it was from fear.  So I eventually started thinking it was the motorhome that was the problem – if that was different, I’d feel different and everything would be ok.  I started exploring other options and finally became convinced that selling my motorhome and car, both of which I’ve only had about a month and haven’t even received the titles to, was the answer to what I was feeling.  I decided to buy a pick up truck that would be a more pleasant & comfortable driving experience than my motorhome, and then tow a 5th wheel trailer.  So last Friday I went and looked at a 5th wheel that I thought I wanted. Lo and behold, I didn’t feel any connection to that, or any resolution to my feelings of discomfort.  Brand new learning curve, smaller living space and the realization that I would lose a lot of money by changing direction now – all of this hit me as I drove away.  So I started asking myself, what if I could just accept that where I am now is perfect for me?  What if I could actually love Bianca, look forward to traveling in her and accept that buying her & Blu (my Honda) fell into place so perfectly and beautifully for a reason? And one of the things I finally let myself say out loud is that I DO have some fear.  Not fear of driving Bianca per se, just fear of driving something so different & big, fear of letting go; of leaving my safe & familiar environment; of venturing out alone into the vast unknown.  But when I thought of hauling a 5th wheel with a truck, and actually went to look at a 5th wheel that I thought was “better” than what I had, damned if that fear wasn’t still right there firmly in place.   The fear is in me, it’s not in a vehicle, any vehicle – it’s something that I will have to walk through.  And giving myself permission to feel that fear and give voice to it is helping me to move forward.  I also reminded myself that nothing has to be forever – there is what I do now and what I might/could/will do in the future.  Who knows what that last one will look like, but I’m choosing to be content with what I have now and let the future unfold instead of trying to force it.

So I am keeping Bianca and Blu, investing in a few upgrades (anti sway bars and new shock absorbers, new in-dash satellite radio/cd player, upgrading the TV’s to flat screen HD and getting a new tv antenna & a Fantastic Fan) so I’m more comfortable and finally making some plans to leave Colorado, possibly in the early Fall.  Having made that decision, I feel kind of giddy with happiness, and (don’t laugh at me) I can feel Bianca being relieved that we’re staying together.  Bella too seems more relaxed, which goes a long way towards my own contentment.  So the Adventure continues – me, Bella, Blu and Bianca!

Now onto that last topic which you have probably been wondering about.  If you’ve ever wandered into a Whole Foods, you know that they are full of scrumptious, tempting foods and one of my favorites for the past year has been these moist & delicious dark chocolate covered mangos.  I’ve shared them with my friends and eaten a ton of them – they tasted like pure joy.  But recently, they have undergone a dramatic change – the mangos are dried out now, hard to bite into, and the chocolate tastes completely different and not nearly as good.  In fact, the whole thing is a huge disappointment now, and I am grieving lol.  Heavy sigh – guess I just have to find another decadent treat now.

Hoping you all had a happy and safe Independence Day!

Adventure on my friends!

Dogs, adventures and changes

As I sit here at Alameda East Veterinary Hospital, waiting to hear how Bella is doing (more on that later), I have been reflecting on my life lately.  Specifically what the events in my life seem to be telling me, or guiding me towards.

This past weekend I had the honor and pleasure of participating in a 2-day Equine Vision Journey (check out Syzygy Coaching/Kami Guildner) for the second time.  It is really difficult to put into words what that experience is like other than to say it is very powerful.  I am not what you would call a “horse person”, but that’s more from lack of experience & knowledge of them rather than a lack of interest.  I love being in their powerful & wise presence, exchanging affection and observing how they respond to each of us.  Their reaction to me this weekend was very affirming that I am in the right place in life and on the perfect path for me.  With every day that has passed since getting that confirmation, I can feel myself slowing down, relaxing and trying to take things one day at a time (as best I can anyway lol).

I mentioned before how I realized that while Bianca has been a great place to start my adventure, I just don’t enjoy driving her.  I intend to travel in something I really enjoy driving, because that’s a huge part of the journey for me.  I’m still researching, but my intention is to sell Bianca and Blu (my fabulous little Honda CR-V tow car) and buy one of the lightweight fifth wheels that are out there, along with a pick-up truck to tow it with.  I’ll share more about which ones I’m looking at as I go along.

At first, I started to feel like I’d failed at something, and that I would be disappointing those who are following my journey.  But a dear friend told me this:  If no one is being harmed in my process, I can ALWAYS change my mind, choose another path and in fact, choose the path that brings me unbridled joy.  I’ll say that again: We can choose the path that brings us unbridled joy.  I didn’t know that before.  So while I figure out what that is, I am determined to not lose sight of the gifts in this moment – this one, right here right now.  Note to self: Walking through the process IS the journey and the journey IS the adventure.

Oh and Bella is going to be ok.  She spent the night throwing up and having diarrhea and we spent the day at the vet having tests run with no conclusive results.  Tonight she is resting soundly and I’m hoping by tomorrow my girl feels back to her fun and playful little self.  I’ve missed her today.

Thanks for being such a great listener.  Adventure on!

The Adventure So Far

Tomorrow, June 25th, as I move from one RV park to another here in Golden, Colorado, I will have lived in Bianca for exactly one month.  In the past month, I have moved a total of six times, staying in some of Colorado’s most beautiful parks, and have had a chance to experience driving and living in Bianca.  She has been an amazing home and I feel so blessed to have this time to just “be” and get settled versus traveling around – it has helped me to learn a few things about myself and this life I have chosen.  

Here’s a few things I’ve learned so far:

1. How to execute a turn so that I don’t shear off a light pole, gas pump, mailbox, etc. with either the motorhome or my towed car.  Also how to back into a tight camping spot and how to parallel park this big thing.  Thanks to Gary Lewis with RV Basic Training
2. That Bella picks up on my stress when I’m driving the motorhome, even though my stress is due to her being stressed out when I drive the motorhome.  So I use some essential oils on both of us and just try to relax.
3. I am learning that one of the joys of this lifestyle is just sitting in the park with Bella, reading a book and throwing her ball, with no agenda or timeframe.  Or taking off in the morning in the car, with no idea of where we’re going, stopping along the way to hike or walk around or find a deserted park where I can throw Bella’s ball for a while.  We don’t have to be anywhere at any particular time, including coming home.  Sounds lovely and carefree, and it is – but it is oh-so-hard to slow down that much.  Definitely worth the effort.
4. And I have learned that while living in a class A motorhome is very comfortable, with lots of space (all things considered), driving a class A motorhome is not the traveling experience I want after all.

Way way back (2 months ago), when I read a book by John Steinbeck called Travels with Charley and the idea of having a home that I traveled in sounded exciting, the idea was to tow a travel trailer.  But then, I went off in the direction of a driveable rv,  or a motorhome.  And before I knew it I was buying a class A motorhome, having been bewitched by the size of the living space.  I also got caught up in wanting to prove I could do this when the truth was I felt totally overwhelmed and way out of my league.  The excitement of travel and seeing new places was getting lost until I realized that I just don’t enjoy driving this motorhome.  I love living in it, but not driving it.  And I LOVE driving, taking road trips and exploring the open road.  THAT’S the experience I want, that’s what charges me up.  So, a course correction is in order, and once I acknowledged that to myself and set a few things in motion, I could feel a sense of calm settle over me.  And the excitement of traveling is making a comeback.

Sometimes it’s hard to know what exactly we do want in life, but as I’m learning, if we can at least find out what we do NOT want, the picture starts to become more clear.  It’s all part of the process and part of my journey.

The Adventure continues ….

Let’s get caught up ….

So now that I’ve figured out domains and how to make sure you can see this, let me bring you up to speed on what’s been happening.

I have been living in Bianca, my 34′ Class A motorhome, for almost a month now, and it has been been quite a journey of self-discovery.  I decided to stick around locally until the end of July, just to give Bella and I a chance to settle in and relax for a while.  The process of downsizing and moving really took a lot of energy and was pretty exhausting on several levels.

I’m learning how to live in a small space, how to take life at a slower pace (still a work in progress) and how to drive a vehicle with a very large footprint.  I can hook and unhook my toad (aka Blu, my towed vehicle) in just a few minutes now, and I know how to execute a turn in the motorhome so I don’t shear off any light posts or run over small animals.  Bella and I are bonding in a way I wouldn’t have expected,  and I see changes in both of us as we adapt to a new kind of lifestyle.  We walk a lot, go for hikes and she gets her ball thrown now more than ever before.  Still she doesn’t yet love life in Bianca, time will tell if that’s going to happen or not.

And as much as I thought I had purged and reduced, I am finding that what I actually use is still just a fraction of what I kept.  Which has been a really cool revelation, especially for someone like me who thought surely the key to happiness was to have as much stuff as possible.   I learn so much every day – about myself and the world around me.  And while I haven’t actually started traveling yet, this life I’m living is about as far from where I was a couple of months ago as it could be.  So far, it’s been a journey of letting go.  Travel on!

It has all happened so fast …

Welcome to my first blog post on My Big Adventure.  It seemed only fitting that today I start a new chapter, as tonight is the last night I will be spending in “my” house.  As of tomorrow morning at 10am, this house will belong to someone else.  That feels so surreal, like it isn’t really happening – but it is happening, and it is very bittersweet.

It was just over a month ago when I decided to simply explore the idea of selling my house and do something adventurous.  At the time I wasn’t sure what that something would look like, but it has taken form and shape since then and tomorrow it all gets very real.  I will be living in a house that no longer belongs to me for the next several weeks, while having some updates made to a motorhome that soon will belong to me.  Her name is Bianca, and she is a 34 foot, Winnebago Itasca Sunova (pictured above).

On May 22nd, I will pick her up and spend the Memorial Day weekend loading my few treasured possessions into all of her cupboards, cabinets and storage spaces.  Then I will drive away from this amazing house for the last time on Monday and begin my life as a full time rv’er.   There is a lot to learn, a lot to process and a whole new life waiting out there for Bella and I.  I am beyond grateful for this opportunity to immerse myself in life, in a way that holds a lot of meaning and depth for me.  I’ll be sharing all my adventures via this blog, with pictures and even videos, so I hope you’ll come along and share the ride!

Favorite Subject – Food

I thought this week we would talk food, and I’d share a couple of my new favorite recipes. If you asked me five years ago how often I dined out, I would have said about 40-60% of the time.  I’ve always loved to cook, but my previous obsession with what I saw as a “glamorous” night life (dressing up, elegant restaurants & lots of booze) meant I also loved going out to eat. These days however, between wanting to eat cleaner and not drinking, I cook my own meals at home 99% of the time and I’m much, much happier.

As to what I eat at home, my diet these days (mostly thanks to colon cancer, but I suspect as women age we’re less able to break down certain foods) consists mostly of meats, vegetables & fruits.  I’m a huge fan of one-dish meals and I tend to stick with familiar seasonings like fresh lemon, sea salt and a little white truffle oil.  I can get pretty creative with my meat/veggie combinations – usually the results are scrumptious but once in a while not so much.  Occasionally I find a recipe that fits well into my repertoire, with a few tweaks of course, so here’s the ones I’m currently digging:

This meatloaf is delicious, with complex flavors from lots of vegetables and different meats (I like beef/lamb/pork together) and best of all, bacon on top.  🙂   And if you’re curious about auto immune protocol or a paleo diet and what it means/does, this is a great website to learn more.

 

These super simple, two ingredient pancakes have become one of my favorite Sunday morning rituals.  Thin, delicate and delicious as they are, I like to add vanilla, cinnamon and stevia.  Then I just spread on a little pastured butter before gobbling them down with, what else, bacon! Do you see a theme yet?  And by the way, the bacon I eat is hormone, antibiotic, nitrite & nitrate free, humanely raised and grass fed, like what I grew up eating.  You can decide whether or not that’s the right food choice for you, we all get to make that decision.

 

Lastly, this is a kind of oatmeal recipe that contains no grains and no sugar – nuts, seeds and dates processed together give it a great texture that cooks up beautifully as a hot cereal but I like to eat it as cold cereal.  I make up a container of it to keep in the ‘fridge and eat it with almond and/or coconut milk – I love the crunch, crunch is my favorite food group (next to… well, you know).

Food is one of my favorite adventures, thanks for tuning in to share it with me!

 

Sugar Addiction and Craft Projects

Okay well first, please forget that I said the word “craft”, it’s just that I could not find a better word.  😉  I am NOT a craft person, I simply love finding vintage items and breathing new life into them.

I found this awesome lamp recently at a thrift store, and the lampshade it came with was not what I wanted.  I found one the other day for $5 that was spotless but it was white and boring.  And because I’m me, I did no research before buying a can of fabric spray paint and going for it, with not-so-good results,  as you can see below.  The more I sprayed, trying to even it out, the worse it got.

Before painting

After painting – yuck

Another side – more yuck

THEN I went online (see how I am? lol) and did some research about painting lamp shades, and found out I can use chalk paint, which is exciting as I’m already exploring that for these two pieces:

My $7 bookcase

Great nightstand – $25

I forgot to take a shot of the bookcase before slapping on some Annie Sloan chalk paint in Aubusson Blue.  Still undecided on the color for the nightstand, but both pieces will end up looking distressed and vintage when I’m through – more pics to come.  And the lampshade?  Well it was a lost cause, but I might paint the one that came with the lamp, add some beads around the edge and see how it looks.  More to come on those pieces and the fun I’m having with chalk paint.  🙂

And now, that other topic – Sugar Addiction

For most of my adult life,  food and specifically sugar, has been one of the ways in which I comforted (aka numbed) myself – along with alcohol, shopping, attention from men, etc. Since I stopped drinking, most of that has been healed as I get closer to Spirit and fill that empty space inside with a deeper spiritual connection.  Sugar however is one addiction that I continue to struggle with.

Eating an occasional cookie or two is not a sugar addiction and that’s not what this looks like (for me anyway).   I’m talking about eating sugar (white sugar, not natural sugars like honey) when I just said I wouldn’t, and/or buying multiples of something and lying to myself that I’ll only eat one, then eating all of them before I even know what’s happening.  And doing all of this knowing that when I eat sugar it causes me a lot of digestive pain (from inflammation in my cancer-modified gut) I feel lethargic, nauseated and I have a hard time feeling happy, joyful or positive.   But yet, once I start eating it, no matter how lousy it makes me feel, I have a very hard time stopping.   If you’re an alcoholic like I am, this might sound very familiar.

I realized in talking to another sugar addict (and fellow alcoholic) on Sunday that what is missing in my recovery from sugar is surrender,  or basically step 1 in recovery:  I’m powerless over sugar and when I eat it, my life becomes unmanageable.   So I have some surrendering to do, and in the meantime drinking plenty of water will help, eating lots of protein will help and making sure my blood sugar doesn’t take a dive will help.

p.s. Just got back from reviewing recent bloodwork with my doctor and my insulin resistance, inflammation and Hashimoto’s disease remains unchanged and it will until I can heal my issues with sugar.

Life is an ever-changing landscape and as always … quite an adventure.

Pictures – Part II and Life

Hello again!  As I promised last week, here are a few more pictures, and a few more words, to round out last years adventures.

One day last July, I locked up the motorhome and took Bella up through gorgeous Glenwood Canyon, spent the night in Glenwood Springs and drove home the next day through Basalt & Aspen.  It was truly beautiful, here’s a couple cool shots I took along the way:

18 kinds of bats? Yikes

Artwork under a bridge in Glenwood

Basalt Public Library

Aspen – Beautiful

Life happens … 

That weekend in Glenwood was also when I decided to pick up a drink, interrupting 2 1/2 years of sobriety.  I haven’t written much about this mainly because it was one of many things that happened last year.  The details aren’t really important, but in essence I spent about a month hoping to find that I wasn’t an alcoholic after all.  In time I again surrendered to the fact that it’s part of who I am and always will be.

And now, six months later and with a new sobriety date, I’m honestly thankful that it happened how and when it did. I am stronger for having gone through those dark moments and I have more empathy for the darkness in others.  What I learned about myself, and the things I know which I didn’t know before, was worth the pain I had to go through.  That’s not how I’d put it were I in a recovery meeting, but that’s my perspective never the less.

I’m thankful for everything that happened in 2015 – it was a big and powerful year for me, quite exhaustingly so.  I purged a lot of material things along with some beliefs and in the end, a version of me that no longer exists. I stepped outside of my comfort zone, choosing brave & fearless over safe & small.  I thought I was someone who could live alone in an RV with a dog, traveling all over the country and constantly being in new places – I learned that I’m actually someone who craves familiar environments, that there is no place “out there” better than Colorado, that I’m not an rv/camping/roughing-it person and that it’s ok for long hot baths to be very, very important to my happiness. I realized that I need my community of family and friends around me, learned to trust the wisdom of some very wise horses and the dreams they appear in, had faith in myself and trusted my spiritual connection to a loving source that has never let me fall.

Then there was this …

Ever since my cancer 5 years ago, I have struggled to reconnect with this life.  I felt completely lost, like an outsider peering into what was once meaningful and happy, but finding no way to get back into it.  Giving up booze made that more pronounced, as at least drinking was familiar, albeit self destructive.  When that was gone, I had no idea who Allita was anymore, who I was – what I liked to do, what gave me joy or gave my life meaning.   I looked in a lot of different corners, tried quite a few different things to recapture that sense of just feeling joy at being alive.  Then last year happened, with all of its changes and upheavals, and damned if that wasn’t like a magic wand  – I got my joy back!  I am back inside my life, happy to be … just happy.  Not every minute, but for some minutes out of every day I feel joyful, exhilarated, full of anticipation of what’s next.  It’s like an open wound has finally been closed.  I leaned into what was happening, what God was putting in front of me and I trusted it.  What a gift, what a blessing, what a reason to be grateful for every single thing, every single day.  And I am … I am.

And now … 

So now I live in a smaller rented space for the time being, I have fewer things but they all represent who I am now and miracle of all miracles, ALL of my clothes (and shoes) fit into one respectable-sized closet.  Yes, one.  Just. One.  I don’t know what’s next or what this year has in store for me, and I am taking my life one day at a time and trying to just be present so I don’t miss anything.  My body found a few extra pounds along the way, meditation has become a thing in my life, romance is totally absent but not by design, relationships continue to change and evolve as they probably should (which is not always easy) and in a few months I get to celebrate my five year cancerversary when my doctor and I say  “Adios, hope I don’t ever see you  again” to each other.  And that is HUGE.

Quite the adventure huh?